So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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