I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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