Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
They took my balls.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
