I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
