Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
