remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
