i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
