She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
