using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
