I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
