I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
