i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
