I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
