He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
