I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
