i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
