I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
