I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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