Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think a kid would responsible me up
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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