My liver just broke up with me...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
How external is "for external use only"?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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