Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
