i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
