There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
