i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
