I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
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We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
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I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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