We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
