RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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