I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize
