Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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