it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
