After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
