I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
