Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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