I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
