there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She even gives head with a lisp.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
