i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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