We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
