Well apparently he's into motor boating.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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