I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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