Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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