Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
