Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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