We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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