I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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