I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
