i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
