swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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