please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
