Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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