Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
