I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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