Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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