I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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