I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
