Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
3pm strippers are depressing
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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