Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
