my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
