I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
