he wants to bone in the snuggie
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
