Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
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