Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
