I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
